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Submitted on
April 22, 2013
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i.
little breaths
echo against
earth's laughter
blooming a blouse
of August blue
against nude trees
hands reaching for
settling sun
sleep

ii.
no light left
to save the stars
they too fell asleep

iii.
a gentle breeze
    banged and pulled 
along the curve of sky
pulling the silver of moon
'mongst the horizon
hanging with dandled
limbs.
a mix of things
little reading here: [link]
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:iconcality:
cality Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely images, and I adore the sounds of the last stanza. The emphasis of the words 'banged and pulled' is wonderful. <3
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:iconlittlemoonboots:
thank you dear <3
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:iconcality:
cality May 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, lovely. :love:
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:iconsunlitbird:
Very intriguing. The words and sounds are doing things for me. I especially like the third stanza, it's bursting with movement and is very visual. I had to read it thrice to notice it features both "pulled" and "pulling" a few verses apart and I'm not sure whether it's due to my inaptitude at commenting on poetry or due to you being brilliant enough to hide the repetition in amidst all the word dynamics and cadence, haha.
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:iconlittlemoonboots:
i made the line slightly drifting from the stanza (moreso in the original document) to emphasize greatly on the sounds, especially when being read aloud.

thank you :heart:
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:iconsunlitbird:
Yes, I think the words work very well together and this poem is a delicacy to read aloud. You're very welcome! :heart:
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Apr 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful piece.

August blue
against nude trees
hands reaching for
settling sun
sleep—


--this part especially for me.

I believe it should be...
little breaths
*echo
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Apr 22, 2013  Student Writer
I love the alliteration. ("Settling sun sleeps") I'm a sucker for it, really. :)

The first stanza is beautiful in such a nolstagic way. It's great. Very capturing.

The second stanza was a nice addition, and is written very well.

The last stanza is just great. Pretty much perfect. I love the imagery and sounds I got from it ( banged and pulled ) the way that line is just reeks (in a good way) of sounds. It's awesome.

This whole poem is very nolstagic and 'cute' (not exactly the right word..) and lighthearted. It's really cool. I like your style a lot.

My only nitpick is the last word, 'prettily'. I feel like there could be a better word than that, but that's pretty much personal preference, so do as you wish. :)
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:iconlittlemoonboots:
I totally agree with you on using prettily. I was really really hesitant by squeezing that in there, because I was unsure how fitting how it would be.

I appreciate the feedback. :heart:
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